As parents, we disagree about how to discipline our children.

As a Father, I believe in clear boundaries and consequences for poor behaviour.

As a Mother, Moni struggles with our son’s tears when I take away his cars.

Who’s right?

We found the answer in Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics.

To Aristotle, a good life (Eudaimonia) is achieved through good character. And good character is a result of action in accordance with the virtues.

“Virtue, then, is a state of character concerned with choice, lying in a mean… a mean between two vices, one of excess and one of deficiency.”

– Nicomachean Ethics, Book II, Chapter VI

We both agree that we want our children to live good lives. And that the key to this lies in developing their character in accordance with the virtues.

So we both agree with Aristotle that every virtue becomes a vice when taken to the extremes of deficiency or excess.

We understand, then, that a child’s character must be developed, and that our own behaviour in doing so must be balanced between the vices.

Too strict? Or too soft?

We must avoid both. We must find the balance. We must find the golden mean.

There are no rules about where exactly the golden mean lies. Each situation is different. What is courage in one scenario can be recklessness in another. It requires judgement (phronesis).

But understanding Aristotle’s virtues and the golden mean gives us the framework that guides us as parents as we search for the balance in every scenario.

Reasons to use Aristotle’s Golden Mean as a parent:

1. It gives you a behavioural guidance framework

2. It stops you parenting reactively

3. It protects you and your child from accidental extremes

4. It builds character systematically

5. It simplifies complexity

6. It reduces internal conflict

7. It builds self-awareness

8. It reduces regret

9. It creates calm strength

10. It aligns with human nature

11. It helps you model what good character looks like

12. It has stood the test of time

13. It creates consistency

14. It improves relationships

15. It leads to flourishing (eudaimonia)

16. It leads to alignment between both parents

17. It brings a sense of calm, stability, and reason to the home

18. It makes you better parents

Let us send you a free virtue framework poster.

Sign up for Letters For Little Heroes before our next letter and we’ll send you a free virtue framework poster of Aristotle’s 12 core virtues and the golden mean for each.

Visit lettersforlittleheroes.com

About Letters For Little Heroes

Created by a mother and a father, a former teacher with a master’s degree in neuropsychology for childhood education, and a writer, Letters for Little Heroes helps parents raise children of good character through the timeless power of story.

Each month, families receive a beautifully illustrated letter telling the true story of a historical hero — and the virtue they embodied — so children can practise it at home.

Visit our website for more information. There you’ll find a free download of one of our past hero letters to try.

https://lettersforlittleheroes.com/

But not every parent loves their children.

Children who grow up without feeling loved adapt every circuit in their body to survival.

The four year old who doesn’t feel love from his father asks himself, “what’s so wrong with me that I’m unlovable?”

It is safer to a helpless to child to turn the pain inwards than to, more appropriately, ask, “what is so wrong with my father that he feels the need to humiliate and crush the spirit of a curious four year old?”

What begins as survival becomes habit and the 40 year old accomplished Managing Director wonders why he still feels so useless.

Is the world friendly or hostile?

Albert Einstein said:

“The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or a hostile universe.”

Unknowingly, children answer that question based on the love they receive.

How can a child who feels threat and fear at every turn find the confidence to move forward?

J.K.Rowling understood this question when she set the premise for Harry Potter as the Boy Who Lived.

Love received isn’t just a feeling. It is the keystone of the arch that protects a boy as he moves through the world.

He feels the world is working for him or against him.

And this attitude is a seed that grows an oak tree of hemlock all the same.

Character

We’ve seen what’s love got to do, got to do, got to do with it.

But what about character?

If love is the emotional keystone, character is every other stone in the building.

Aristotle defines character (ethos) as a stable disposition or habit (hexis) of the soul, formed through habituation, that determines our voluntary choices and actions.

Love gives us the emotional foundation to move through the world, character defines how we move through it.

If you know your Aristotle, you know that a person of good character finds the golden mean between the vices of deficiency and excess.

It means that, when a parent is gone, the child knows how to find the right action forward in any circumstance.

Never too cowardly, never too reckless.

Never too lazy, never too greedy.

Never too ashamed, never too arrogant.

The child of character finds the golden mean, habitually, which means it forms part of who they are for life.

When we are gone, the love and character we give their children is all that remains.

Unbeknownst to me, this was the same David Brooks I stumbled upon during a YouTube rabbit hole on the moral formation of society.

In his 2019 TED Talk, he speaks of the response to being broken by life.

Some are made smaller by their brokenness. They become angry, bitter, resentful, and wish to inflict their misery on others.

Others, suffering the same fate, transmute the pain into something positive.

He tells the story of a boy named Darren living in foster care, held back in school, who had witnessed the murder of his mother.

When the organisation called Roots of Empathy brought a mother and infant to his eighth-grade class to ask the students to imagine what the baby was thinking and feeling, he asked if he could hold the baby.

The mother hesitated. He was larger than most boys his age. But she agreed, carefully placing her infant into his arms.

He held the child with tender love and care, and began asking questions about parenthood.

Saving his real question for last, he asked the mother,

If nobody has ever loved you, do you think you can be a good father?

To me, the question alone comes from a moral soul.

A moral soul is one that takes its suffering and transforms it.

One that ends the cycle.

One that chooses to be good.

In a world that uses its vast wealth, power, and technology to divide us, it reminds me of the great teaching from Alexander Solzhenitsyn,

“The line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either -- but right through every human heart -- and through all human hearts. This line shifts. Inside us, it oscillates with the years. And even within hearts overwhelmed by evil, one small bridgehead of good is retained.”

For me, this is what Letters For Little Heroes is all about.

To shine a light on moral examples, to form the character of children so more people choose the good.

And if they don’t, to keep that one small bridgehead just a little more alight, a little while longer, so it’s easier to find one’s way back.

About Letters For Little Heroes

Created by a mother and a father, a former teacher with a master’s degree in neuropsychology for childhood education, and a writer, Letters for Little Heroes helps parents raise children of good character through the timeless power of story.

Each month, families receive a beautifully illustrated letter telling the true story of a historical hero — and the virtue they embodied — so children can practise it at home.

Visit our website for more information. There you’ll find a free download of one of our past hero letters to try.

https://lettersforlittleheroes.com/

If you’re reading this, then I assume you want your children to be happy.

That’s a good start.

Because not every parent can say that.

The Western world has known the foundations of raising happy children since Aristotle shared his guide to living well more than 2,000 years ago.

It’s called Nicomachean Ethics, and it remains his most important work on how to live a good life.

For parents, two things are clear:

• Most of your child’s character is formed in early childhood

• Children learn more from what you do than from what you say

If you want your children to live good lives, it begins with being a good example by working on your own character — and it begins now.

Because your parenting shapes the entire arc of your child’s life.

“It makes no small difference, then, whether we form habits of one kind or another from our very youth; it makes a very great difference, or rather all the difference.”

— Nicomachean Ethics, II.1

This essay will show you how…

Why This Matters for Parents

Aristotle makes three things clear:

• Character is formed early

• Habit shapes destiny

• The family is the first school of virtue

This is why Nicomachean Ethics is still studied in elite educational institutions and leadership programmes today.

Most children, however, will never attend elite institutions.

So if you won’t help form your child’s character — who will?

Are you willing to leave it to chance?

Children Learn by Imitation, Not Instruction

Aristotle believed moral lectures are insufficient on their own.

“Arguments and teaching are not powerful with all people. The soul of the student must first be cultivated by habits.”

— Nicomachean Ethics

Translation into plain language:

• Children become who they are trained to become via modelling and practice

• They do not become who you tell them to be

Modern Research Backs This

Albert Bandura’s Social Learning Theory shows that children learn behaviour primarily through modelling, not explanation.

Longitudinal studies show that:

• a child’s self-control mirrors their parent’s

• a child’s emotional regulation mirrors their parent’s

• a child’s moral reasoning strongly correlates with parental honesty

Neuroscience and developmental psychology now echo Aristotle almost word for word.

• The Heckman Curve (James Heckman, Nobel Laureate in Economics) shows that early character formation — self-control, perseverance, and social skills — delivers far higher lifetime returns than later academic intervention.

• The Harvard Center on the Developing Child finds that early relational environments shape executive function, emotional regulation, and moral reasoning.

In short: early experiences build brain architecture.

With this in mind, how do we raise children for the good life?

How to Live a Good Life

“Happiness [eudaimonia] is an activity of the soul in accordance with virtue

— Aristotle: Nicomachean Ethics, I.7

In Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle asks a single central question:

What does it mean to live well as a human being?

First, he is clear that the goal of life is eudaimonia — to flourish as a human being.

Second, as most great philosophers agree, the path to eudaimonia is to live with virtue.

But what does that mean?

What it Means to Live with Virtue

For Aristotle, virtues are human excellences — qualities that allow a person to function at their best, just as sharpness allows a knife to function well.

Examples include:

• Courage — facing fear without recklessness

• Honesty — telling the truth even when it costs you

• Self-control — governing impulses rather than being ruled by them

• Justice — treating others fairly

• Kindness — caring for others’ good, not just your own

To live with virtue, then, is to live with an excellent and stable character.

It means:

• choosing the right action, even when it is difficult

• telling the truth when lying would be easier

• controlling anger rather than being controlled by it

It means acting each day in a way you would be proud for your children to imitate.

It means living so that:

• you can respect yourself

• you are worthy of the respect of others

• you are worthy of trust

• your word means something

• your primary concern is doing the right thing, at the right time — especially when it comes at a cost

Virtue is a Balance

Aristotle described virtue as a mean between extremes.

For example:

• Courage lies between cowardice and recklessness

• Honesty lies between dishonesty and harshness

• Generosity lies between stinginess and extravagant waste

Virtue does not deny emotion.

It governs behaviour.

How to Improve Your Character Today

“One swallow does not make a summer, nor does one day; and so too one day, or a short time, does not make a man blessed and happy.”

— Nicomachean Ethics, I.7

This echoes Aristotle’s famous idea that excellence is not a single act, but a habit formed over time.

Character develops as repeated actions take root, gradually reshaping behaviour.

Yet it is also true that any one of us can choose differently today.

Courage practised today is still courage.

Truth told today is still truth.

Generosity shown today matters, even if it is not yet habitual.

What I have found helpful is measuring my daily behaviour against Aristotle’s 12 core virtues.

• the first column shows the area of life involved

• the second and fourth show the opposing vices

• the centre shows the virtue as the golden mean

This gives you something fully within your control: your own behaviour.

You can ask:

• Was I courageous, cowardly, or reckless today?

• Was I honest, evasive, or harsh?

You can measure your child’s behaviour the same way — to check their course, not to judge them.

As with all habit change, this requires daily practice. You may even wish to print the table and keep it visible.

If character is destiny, and your children model their character after you, what more meaningful work could there be than improving yourself — starting today?

Follow us on Instagram and Substack for daily virtue reminders where we remind you of one virtue each morning.

If you liked this virtue essay, sign up to receive our free weekly Virtue Letter on Substack, Spotify, and Youtube.

About Letters For Little Heroes

Created by a former teacher with a masters degree in neuropsychology for childhood education, Letters for Little Heroes helps parents raise children of good character through the timeless power of story.

Each month, families receive a beautifully illustrated letter telling the true story of a historical hero — and the virtue they embodied — so children can practise it at home.

Visit our website for more information.

https://lettersforlittleheroes.com/

Leo Tolstoy opens his great novel, Anna Karenina, with the line:

“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

By this, he means two things:

1. There are as many ways to be miserable as there are people.

2. If all happy families are alike, there is a recipe for it.

So what is the recipe for a happy family?

What Happy Families Have in Common

Research and wisdom agree that trust, a shared moral framework, stable roles & responsibilities, conflict repair, and attention are what unites a happy family.

1. Trust

Happy families are alike because children feel safe in them.

This safety is both physical and emotional.

It is the absence of physical abuse and the protection from threat.

It is the absence of emotional abuse and the protection from it too.

In this sense, it is often the loud, rambunctious young child who is happiest – because they live with the safety to express themselves instead of hide themselves in fear.

They know they are loved, not for what they achieve, but for who they are. There is, in essence, trust in the home.

And a child who grows up in an environment of trust learns to trust himself and others.

2. A Shared Moral Framework

Every parent knows that a child must be taught right from wrong.

But it is a fact of human nature that more is caught than taught.

Parents of happy children don’t lecture right from wrong, they live it daily.

Developmental psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg showed that children do not learn morality primarily through rules, but through lived examples and shared norms. Moral reasoning grows when children see values enacted consistently.

Similarly, family systems researcher Froma Walsh found that families with shared values and meaning-making practices show greater resilience, particularly during hardship.

Happy families share a lived moral framework.

3. Stable Roles and Responsibilities

Psychologist Diana Baumrind, known for her research on parenting styles, found that authoritative parenting — high warmth combined with clear boundaries — consistently produces the best outcomes: confidence, self-control, and social competence.

It means that parents mean what they say and their words are backed by their actions.

It means there are reasonable rules and boundaries.

Parents lead. Children are guided.

It is also this leadership that properly defines a child’s response to authority later in life.

A child whose parents wield authority wisely doesn’t confuse all authority and status with tyranny.

When parents abdicate leadership, children feel anxious. When authority is harsh, they feel unsafe. Proper authoritative parenting lies in the middle.

4. Conflict Repair

Happy families are not free from conflict. They repair it well.

Disagreements happen. Tempers rise. Voices are raised.

What matters is not the absence of anger, but how it is expressed, and what follows.

Aristotle believed anger, properly ordered, could be a virtue. But one that must be governed. For most conflicts, relationship researcher John Gottman has shown that the strongest families are not those without conflict, but those that repair quickly and sincerely.

• A calm word.

• An apology.

• A moment of reconnection.

These small acts restore safety.

Children are always watching. They learn emotional regulation from how adults handle frustration. When parents pause, reflect, apologise, and make things right, children learn that strong emotions can be managed and relationships cannot just survive conflict, but use it to advance.

Where anger rules, children learn fear.

Where anger is governed and repaired, they learn to navigate the complexities of human relationships.

5. Presence and attention

What matters most is attuned presence: regular moments where a child feels noticed, heard, and taken seriously.

Their world — however trivial it may seem — matters. Pretend that you too see a green moon.

Attachment researchers have shown that children do not need flawless parents; they need their parents’ presence and attention. Mary Ainsworth, a pioneer of attachment theory, demonstrated that children thrive when caregivers respond sensitively to emotional cues — especially in moments of distress, uncertainty, or excitement.

This does not require constant availability. Parents are their own beings, with lives beyond parenthood. But it does require returning attention: greeting your child when they enter the room, listening to the story about the monster in the wardrobe for the seventh time, and acknowledging feelings before correcting behaviour.

When children feel seen, they develop confidence that their inner world matters. They learn they are worthy of attention — and this worth stays with them for life.

Where children are consistently overlooked, they learn to withdraw or to demand attention in unhealthy ways.

A happy child enjoys their parents’ presence and attention.

From What Happy Families Share to How They Are Built

Happy families are alike because they are formed by the same inner qualities, lived day after day.

• Trust does not appear by accident.

• Shared values do not emerge on their own.

• Authority is not exercised wisely without self-restraint.

• Conflict is not repaired without humility.

• Attention is not given consistently by a distracted mind.

In other words, happy families are alike because they are shaped by the character of the parents who lead them.

More than two thousand years ago, Aristotle understood this clearly. He taught that a good life is not something we stumble into, but something we form through habit and practice. He called this eudaimonia — human flourishing — and believed it rests on the steady cultivation of virtue.

Virtues are not abstract ideas.

They are stable human qualities — honesty, courage, patience, self-control, justice — that shape how we act, especially under pressure. They are what turn good intentions into lived reality inside the home.

As a father, I found myself searching for a parenting blueprint that went deeper than behaviour management.

As a mother and former teacher with a Master’s degree in neuropsychology for primary school education, Monica knew we could not outsource the formation of our children’s character to the schooling system.

That is why we founded Little Heroes.

We exist to help parents do what families have always done best: form character deliberately, so children are prepared not just to succeed, but to live well.

By returning to Aristotle’s twelve core virtues, we offer families a shared language, a weekly rhythm, and a practical way to raise children who can thrive in a difficult world.

If this resonates, you can follow along for our weekly Virtue Letter and daily reflections on Instagram and Substack — or visit lettersforlittleheroes.com to learn more about our monthly illustrated hero letters, created to be read together as a family.

The result of outsourcing the formation of character to the state is a generation of children who don’t know who they are, what they stand for, or how to thrive in life.

Instead, many live with low focus, low energy, and rising anxiety and depression.

They live as pawns in other people’s games.

Parents of children who thrive do something different.

“The habits we form from childhood make no small difference, but rather they make all the difference.”

— Aristotle

Intentional parents focus on the foundation of their child’s character from a young age.

Aristotle believed habits formed in childhood are crucial, representing not just a small difference, but the entire difference in how a life turns out.

How to shape your child’s character

1. Develop the 12 core virtues

Aristotle identified 12 core virtues a human needs to live a good life. Cultivating these in youth is essential to building a successful and meaningful life.

2. Practice the 12 virtues

“We are what we repeatedly do,” said Aristotle. It is not enough to know the virtues, you must live them.

3. Model the 12 virtues

More is caught than taught. Your children learn from your example, not your lectures.

Share with a good parent and follow for the weekly Virtue Letter and daily virtue reminders.

About Letters For Little Heroes

Letters For Little Heroes exists to help parents teach their children the 12 virtues so they grow up to lead good lives.

We offer free daily virtue reminders and The Weekly Virtue Letter.

For parents who want to bring their virtue education to the next level, we create beautifully illustrated monthly hero letters that tell the story of history’s great heroes – and the Aristotelian virtue they exemplified.

So you have an entertaining reading ritual with your child that inspires them to live with virtue too.

Visit lettersforlittleheroes.com

Dear Special Boy,

You are potty training and peed on me twice this week.

You take off your nappy and walk around in god’s good glory.

Self-consciousness hasn’t found you yet and may it take a while yet to darken your door.

Every little prince begins the same, so you don’t need to worry.

The reason I’m writing to you is for something far more important…

Who will you model yourself on to become a great man?

What Potty Training Has Taught Me About How You Copy Daddy

I work at a standing desk with a yellow and blue checked armchair for when I hit mode two to sit.

You like to climb and sit on my lap and tip and tap on the keyboard and push the under-screen button that turns it off.

Unfortunately for me, rather than sit on the potty, you prefer to sit on my lap and pee.

By the time I put you on the potty you get up, turn around, hold your hand on your tinky winky, hips forward, like a cherub 6 pints in, but have nothing left to give.

You already emptied the contents of your bladder on my legs and chair.

Mummy dearest is determined to continue with this strategy.

I wonder, would she feel the same if it were she who felt the warm trickle of her son’s bladder upon herself and workspace?

From Father to Son, and I whisper it quietly so she won’t hear, you will run that test, won’t you?

A Father’s Responsibility As A Role Model

At its peak, Rome had a succession of Five Good Emperors: Nerva, Trajan, Hadrian, Antoninus Pius, and Marcus Aurelius.

Considering the Father & Son them of my letters to you, what fascinates me about this lineage is that it not a succession of blood line.

The 5 great emperors were adopted by previous emperors for their virtue, wisdom, and temperament.

The line ended with Marcus Aurelius’ natural born son, Commodus.

Marcus had 6 children who grew to adulthood and 7 who perished in childhood.

Commodus was his only surviving son and unfit to lead.

Great mentorship guarantees nothing if the natural character is lacking, but great people are often formed by great people.

• Alexander the Great was tutored by the famous philosopher Aristotle in Pella from the age of 13.

• Marcus Aurelius’ tutors followed the teaching of the famous Stoic slave-philosopher Epictetus.

• And Lorenzo de Medici (Il Magnifico) was tutored by the Humanist Philosopher Marsilio Ficino.

All three are rare examples of great leaders who combined wisdom with power.

Two were born to power, one was adopted as a chosen future emperor, all were educated in Philosophy

Why am I telling you this?

Who Will Your Role Models Be?

The way you model me and those those around you proves that children live what they see.

You wear my trousers, wear my shoes, like to sit at the table with me, hug like I hug, and play with my pens and computer as I do.

The importance of role models don’t just to apply to great leaders of history.

• Children in father-absent homes are almost four times more likely to be poor

• Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse

• 71% of high school dropouts are fatherless

• Fatherless children are eight times more likely to be on the at-risk register and 50 times more likely to die of an inflicted injury than those living with two biological parents

That’s why these letters alone aren’t enough.

One day you will read them and laugh and cry and I’m sure marvel at your Father’s efforts.

But that’s not why I write.

These letters shine a light on my own character and where I must improve to be a model you deserve.

There is a reason why the many of the great people in history have a strong foundation in Philosophy in their formative years.

Beyond my own character, I’m writing a series of Historical Fiction based on the life of Marcus Aurelius for you to read too.

My hope is that, between me, Marcus, other Philosophers who come to know, and the other teachers you meet in life, you’ll find a character capable of enduring life’s sufferings, enjoying its pleasures, and being a source of goodness for those who cross your path.

With love,

Your Father

Dear sweet child o’ mine,

On a Sunday morning we like to leave the apartment and find a coffee shop for breakfast.

We meandered through the old town wondering where to stop and ended up on the main shopping street at a Colombian cafe with Parisian style tables in the street.

I ordered a Spanish tortilla that was ruined by acidic peppers and an apple crepe that was ruined by burnt cinnamon.

You had pan tumaca with ham.

And your mother ate a croissant.

The weather was fine, the orange juice was fresh, and I hoped to have some time to read Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations in the sun.

Unfortunately for me, when you weren’t climbing on the table and stabbing everything you could with a fork, you were running around to every table.

Then the trumpets and drums of a local walking band kept passing by and you wanted to follow them and I realised my relaxing Sunday morning was a pipe dream.

It was getting to late morning by now and you still like your mid-morning siesta, so we decided to begin the 20 minute walk home.

Your Love For Water

On the way back we passed a fruit shop where the owner likes to offer free fruit to tourists and charge them twice the price.

“Campeón” he called as he cut a mandarin into quarters and came to place them in your hands.

I removed the pips and let you suck them while your mum bought some fruit and veg without asking the price, hoping to be treated as a local.

The mandarins were juicy and your t-shirt was soon stained and your hands were sticky.

Your mum left the shop feeling like a tourist and there began your whining.

Like me, you like things to be just so.

You don’t like sticky hands or things not as they should be when they could be as they would be if people engaged half a brain cell from time to time.

So we took a little detour to the fountain and washed your hands clean, and that’s when you became the centre of attention.

You kept trying to wriggle free and pull yourself into the cold water to swim fully clothed.

I picked you up to take off your socks and shoes so you could at least splish splash with your legs and you kicked and screamed thinking I wouldn’t let you near the water.

I sat you on the edge and your tears turned to a smile and everyone around the fountain smiled with you.

“He’ll be a lifeguard when he grows up. Look, he wants to jump in!”

You’ve always loved the water, at bath time, in the pool, at the beach.

You splished and you splashed and by now it was midday and you were as tired as a one-legged man in a flintstone car.

So we took you home and the whinging got worse on the way and there was nothing we could do to soothe you until you were in bed with the bottle in your mouth.

You always follow the same bedtime routine.

Your Bedtime Routine

Some people live their life scheduled minute by minute.

Others live by no schedule, not even a regular sleep schedule.

Both are fools.

The former leave no room for spontaneity, but are often effective at their chosen tasks.

The latter’s lives are chaotic and ridden with anxiety because they can’t trust themselves even to eat and sleep on time.

The answer, as with most things, was given to us by Aristotle c. 2400 years ago: “The Doctrine Of The Mean” or “The Golden Mean.”

According to Aristotle, optimum behaviour is in the mean between two extremes — one of excess and the other of deficiency.

For example, where courage is a virtue, recklessness is its vice of excess and cowardice is its vice of deficiency.

We try to stick to strict routines for sleeping and eating and leave you free to play and explore in between.

Sleepy time usually follows a bath and it’s always me who comes with the towel for towel time.

I pick you up and you know where we’re going as you look to the kitchen to the get bottle of slightly warmed milk from the microwave.

Mummy sometimes has your nappy ready, and when she doesn’t I go into your play room to get one, and that’s when the mummy monster strikes…

You know she’s around the corner and your face lights up in anticipation.

She begins to chase and roars like a little lion as she does and just when she’s about to get you I spin you away from her and run to the bedroom.

In the bedroom you wait for me to place the pillow on the bed before you jump out of my arms like a mad boy straight on the pillow before rolling over.

As mummy makes herself comfortable to put on your nappy and pyjamas, you put yourself in place, lying on your back, looking at me as I pretend to leave the room… and as I do, about to move out of sight, you shout and I turn and run and jump onto the bed and bite your belly like a ravenous tiger.

You laugh hysterically and we repeat the game until you’ve had enough and you’re ready to let me leave and have your milk.

You sit up and watch me as I approach the door to turn one last time to wave at you, and you’re already waving.

“Daddy. Loves. You.” I say and you smile as mum lifts you between her legs, puts the bottle in your mouth, and the lights go out.

The Morning Routine Challenge

The difficulty we have in the mornings is that as your parents we’re tired all the time.

It’s for a few reasons:

1. Both your mother and I are more inclined to late nights than early mornings

2. You still wake up a few times a night and when you do you scream until you have your milk

3. Sometime not long after 5am you crawl into our bed and start kicking me in the kidneys

This makes it very difficult for us to both to set a solid morning routine as we’re desperate for another 5 minutes.

So our morning routine must begin the night before…

The goal is to be in bed by 10pm.

Then, we wake up in the morning and your mother takes the first shift with you, leaving me free to read and plan my day before work.

You and mummy go to the kitchen and prepare breakfast for 8:30am and we all eat together as a family.

That way I’m ready to start work at 9am and you and mummy are ready to play and learn in your play room.

We tried it this morning for the first time and it was the best morning in a long time and it set the tone for the day.

Although it was a work day and not a slow Sunday, following a clear plan and both starting our day that way worked.

So the challenge is to keep it going.

I would appreciate your help if you could delay the kidney kicks an hour.

Love,

Your Father.

“Until philosophers are kings, or the kings and princes of this world have the spirit and power of philosophy, and political greatness and wisdom meet in one, and those commoner natures who pursue either to the exclusion of the other are compelled to stand aside, cities will never have rest from their evils.” 

— Plato, The Republic, 4^th century B.C.

Action makes life better or worse.

And inaction makes life worse by default due to entropy.

Entropy: “A lack of order or predictability; gradual decline into disorder.”

So act we must.

How then, do we decide how to act?

Some men think, some men act, many do neither, few do both.

I believe Plato was right when he wrote of the ideal state having Philosopher Kings for its rulers.

Plato was referring to rulers when he spoke of his ideal of a Philosopher King.

Marcus Aurelius and Alexander The Great are two real life examples.

But each man is the king of his own kingdom and, to my mind, a Philosopher King is a man who thinks and acts.

The inevitable consequence of proper thinking and proper acting is the betterment of life for one’s self and one’s community.

Some may claim that evil men think too.

But it is not a thinking man who concludes that action that makes life worse is the correct course.

That’s the reserve of men who are slaves to their lower impulses and use their minds to justify their base behaviour.

Why A Free Man Needs Philosophy & Politics

Philosophy means to love wisdom, which is the study of how to think.

Politics means the activities associated with governance, setting the rules of the game.

Whether you grow to govern a country, an organisation, a household, or your own life, to be both good and effective you must be educated in Philosophy & Politics: how to think and how to govern.

There is good reason why a great many of our leaders studied Philosophy, Politics, and Economics at the same schools and Universities.

The reason the majority of people are ruled by the few, and are so easily manipulated in their opinions on the matters of the day, is because they are insufficiently educated.

They have no framework for understanding the world at its core and making their own decisions.

As a result they default into compliance, with no real thought behind what they do or why, and thus they live and die unexamined lives.

For the uneducated, the chains may long have gone, but there is still slavery of the mind.

The world today is full of weak, lazy, indebted, addicted, purposeless, people.

They live at the mercy of the decisions of others and don’t realise that they can break free at any time if they educate themselves and offer something of value to the world.

It’s not their fault, there is a lack of civic duty in political leadership.

Our political leaders are lifelong politicians looking out for their own self interest at the expense of the populace.

Governments get bigger, taxes get higher, the quality of public services gets worse, and the people get squeezed.

I don’t know how to fix that problem at a grand level.

But I can fix that problem at the level of my relationship with you.

Son, I wish you to be a good man and a free man.

I wish you to be free in your mind and free from having the quality of your life dictated to you by people who either don’t know you exist or don’t care that you do.

I wish you to be free to choose your vocation, free to choose whom to love and with whom to build a family, free to choose what to believe on the merits, and not through manipulation and dangerous ideology.

It is a life of personal responsibility where the quality of your life is determined more by you than it is others — not withstanding the hand of fortune that moves us all.

For that reason I will educate you in the great ideas from the past 2,500 of Western Civilisation as a starting point.

What You Will Learn

You will learn how to think, how to write, and how to speak — rare and powerful skills mistakenly presumed to be common.

You will learn why representative government is good and how the freedom of the individual has progressed over time.

You will learn how the wealth of nations is built from the bottom up, from free people willing and able to improve their lot in life by producing products and services of value — not from government control and central planning.

You will learn to think of yourself and others in your decision making, aware of the impact you will have not only on your own life but as a node in network impacting the lives of others.

You will learn that when reading the great books of 2000 years ago, if we change the names from Lucius and Severus and Tiberius and Cicero to Matthew, Jack, Thomas, and David, the problems we face today are much the same though our technology has advanced.

You will learn the great ideas of History and how to apply them in your life.

From there, perhaps we can look East and visit Japan and China to learn from Eastern Philosophy and Politics too, like Lee Kuan Yew who so successfully built Singapore picking the best ideas from East and West and applying them to a multicultural swamp to build one of the most prosperous and safe cities in the world in just 50 years.

Together we can travel to Athens, Sparta, Rome, Florence, Tokyo, and London and bring the ideas and stories to life.

This is not an academic exercise.

The purpose is to give you the tools to be a good, free man, reaching your potential, and being a positive presence in the life of those you meet.

I will give you the education, what you do with it is up to you.

Let’s make it fun.

Love,

Your Father

We were all sick this week, the three of us.

I think it was the chicken we had at the farm last Sunday.

It is one of the worst experiences in my life to be sick and having to look after a sick infant.

It is true what the say…

A healthy man has a million wishes while a sick man has just one.

But we’re feeling better now and have been going to bed at a good hour and waking up about 7:30 the last few days.

That may sound like a small detail but as you get older you realise how important these small daily details are; getting enough sleep and having consistent routines.

Life can be chaotic enough without adding to it with your own unreliability.

Humans need set operating systems for living.

So we woke up well and decided to go out to a cafe this morning for breakfast.

We have the key to the subterranean garage now and it was the first time we were taking the car out from having parked there.

You wanted to sit on my lap and drive and which made it hard as the exit of the garage is small and tight and you need to line the car up straight because it’s a steep incline to get out.

That’s harder than you can imagine with an infant fighting you for the steering wheel and turning the window wipers and indicators on and off.

We found a cafe about 15 minutes away up into the mountains slightly that served churros and chocolate.

You were a bit of a pain squealing as you wanted to sit on my lap and bang the table and smash the hot chocolate and I was hungry by this point and getting a little irritable.

Mum took you for a walk so I could try and eat but the further you walked away, the worse the squealing got.

So I got up and walked outside and you were at the end of the little street crying and fighting your mum to come back to the cafe so I walked over and picked you up and we went back to our table.

You sat calmly this time and we let you sit in a grown up chair and eat some of the thick, melted chocolate that had cooled down now.

You dipped the spoon and brought it to your mouth but, being 16 months old, you could barely get your arm up and over the mug to dip it in properly and the chocolate went everywhere as you can see from your clothes in the photo below.

We didn’t mind and it was nice to see you sit still and enjoy the chocolate for a little while.

We don’t really let you eat sugar but this wasn’t particularly sweet, and all things in moderation.

Tantrums at 16 months old because I wouldn’t let you jump in the waterfall

We left the cafe and went to the botanical garden.

It had been raining a little today, which is rare here even in winter.

By now it was after 11am and there was sun and clouds and no more rain.

The botanical gardens can take hours to walk around, and even longer when you’re with an infant that splits his time between dragging his own tricycle instead of riding it and wanting to be carried.

We decided to see the waterfall and the left half today, and the caves and most of the uphill climbs another time.

On the way to the waterfall you had stopped to jump in the puddles — every puddle you could find.

Eventually we got to the waterfall, which was tiny and needed a water pump to keep it flowing, probably because this winter has been more dry than usual.

It was a waterfall and stream with multiple levels that you could walk down alongside for about 50 metres before it led into two large ponds.

But you didn’t want to walk alongside the waterfall, you wanted to jump in it.

Not just once, oh no, you kicked and screamed and tried to fight your way into the waterfall fully clothed. You can’t swim but you love water and you have no fear.

At the swimming pool you will see water and try to run straight in. We never had to encourage you, we have to stop you.

We have to be careful around water with you, because you’re crazy. I blame your mum and all that baby shark business.

We continued our way around the botanical gardens, through the collection of palm trees from the around the world, and walked back to the car before stopping off to buy some meat to cook a Sunday roast.

You fought against being put into the baby seat (are you noticing a theme?) so your mum asked me to sit you down and you complied, which was nice.

This is all to say that you’re a remarkable little boy — and I’m not saying that because I love you.

Everyone says it everywhere we go.

No one can believe how advanced you are at 16 months.

How energetic and capable you are.

We never had to teach you to use cutlery, you just copied us.

And we never have to show you anything more than once.

You’re a smart kid.

I worry most schools are places designed to force compliance, to diminish the soul.

So when we do send you to school, it’ll have to be a good one.

There is a private, bilingual school that’s excellent and you deserve a proper education.

But it’s not cheap, and when’s the right time?

For now, you spend your days with mum and Dad and see Auntie Ara a few times a week and your grandparents and cousin often at the weekend, and you make friends with kids and adults naturally when we’re out and about, and there’s no great rush to send you to pre-school.

It’d be useful to have the time and the structure for me and your Mum, but the most important thing is when is the right time for you?

It’s something for us to think about.

Well, it’s getting late and you’re already in bed and I’ve committed to posting on a Sunday so it’s time for me to end this letter here.

I’ll post it now and edit in the morning.

Love,

Your Dad

“All happy families are alike: each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

— Leo Tolstoy, opening line of Anna Karenina

My special boy,

This morning we wanted to leave at a good hour to visit a farm that produces ecological olive oil with a petting farm and views of the ocean and mountains.

Your mother passed me my old, checked lined trousers as I was sat in my armchair watching the new season of Drive to Survive and, just as I had put both feet into the trousers, you climbed onto the chair, sat on its edge, feet dangling, and slipped your own little legs into those of the trousers.

Unless you’re eating you never sit still, not even for 60 seconds.

I tell people that and they think it’s an exaggeration — until they meet you.

Wherever we go, you want to say hello to everyone, touch every button, explore every hole, stroke every dog, feel every plant, enter every store, and drag every chair somewhere new.

You never sit still.

And that doesn’t change when you’re at home.

If you want to play in your play room you grab our fingers, lead us to there, and pull us to the ground exactly where you want us.

And when I’m working at my desk, you climb up and sit on my lap and tap the space bar on the keyboard stopping and starting videos.

You bite the camera cover off the webcam, you take my Montblanc and remove the lid and chew it and draw on yourself and replace the lid and rinse and repeat.

You chew my leather wallet and empty it of its contents. You test every button on the screen, the speakers, and my stand up desk.

You slide down and cry to climb back up and take babble into the microphone while tapping it on top to turn it on and off and on and off again.

You really never sit still.

But today you were calm and we sat there together, my arms around as you, as we watched a 45-minute episode from start to finish.

Where did your patience come from?

And why am I telling you this?

Like Father, Like Son

In your mother’s womb she wished for a son just like his Father.

I warned her to be careful what she wished for.

You’re 16 months old now.

Cautious to bless you with my virtues and warn you of my vices, it was clear early on that you are your Father’s Son.

Unusually espabilado, curious, and disagreeably stubborn, you are generous, kind and charming too.

I never knew my Father, but the stories I’m told are the same, and the genetic thread weaves on.

Why am I telling you this?

Your great-grandfather was an artists and used to tell me and your uncles stories on his living room mat as we played Sumo wrestlers back-to-back trying to knock each other off.

That was about as close to feeling normal or right as I remember in childhood.

Your great-great-grandfather wrote an autobiography of his time during the Great War and his return home and subsequent founding of his family business and I enjoyed reading that story 100 years after the War ended.

Your great-great-grandfather, my great-grandfather, died before I was born; as did your great-grandmother, my grandmother.

But I find it meaningful to read his life story.

I can only imagine how much more meaningful it would be if I had known the man.

The Importance Of Fatherhood

It is important to me to be a good Father to you.

I find that putting pen to paper makes things real.

The mind has a habit of playing tricks on itself but writing the truth removes the devil and his lies and lets you see things as they are.

There are a million ways to be unhappy but there are universal principles for how to live well.

That’s why I’m writing to you each week…

It leaves me nowhere to hide in my goal of being a good, loving Father to you and, as your great-great-grandfather’s autobiography gave to me, it gives you something to read when you’re older…

Something that documents our journey together as Father & Son.

It’s a way of discovering and sharing the universal principles of a fulfilling life with you as we live go.

I love you, special boy,

Your Father.

P.S. I’ll be posting letters to my son each week, short stories each month, and short thoughts each day or so. Subscribe for free below to be notified when I do.

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